I guess in my age of life, I don't need a best friend, figuratively, what I need is a psychiatrist, someone with a degree+experience and an ear to listen.
Bestfriend only exists during younger times, not on my adulthood. What an adult need is someone who has an ability to direct and give professional help.
Back to the topic. If I go to my shrink, I wonder what she (I prefer a lady shrink than a gentleman) will say. Maybe she will ask what happen to me first. Spend another 30 minutes to let me tell what I want to tell while sketch/write/draw or anything she will do on that piece of notepad. She might write: an indecisive person with a lack of social attitude and a very good looking gentleman (oh wait, the last part is so biased. Or maybe not hehe). And then she will ask me: what I want to do next. I might say, I don't know. I haven't think about it yet.
And then she will say: grab a notepad, write them down. Or blog it.
So, why then I have to go to her in the first place?
Let's assume I'm blogging now. I might say that: I can't think straight. I don't know if I can trust you. Even if you say so, I don't know if I want to believe that you keep your promise. But one part of myself told me that I should. Because you told me so. Besides, this relationship will not work well if I cannot put my trust on you.
The problem is, how then I suppose to just let it go? There's this little spot on my head that triggers this negative views that says I shouldn't let that go. Blame it to my tech-ability. Blame it to my pervert skills. And blame it to another part of my brain that produces a sense of knowing something is wrong. Or blame it to the way I think what I shouldn't be thinking about.
But no, I can't. I can't do that because they're all useless.
I should just take it, put it in a box, and seal it with good memories. In the end, what makes us together is about good things. Not bad ones.
And yeah, I'm thinking about the first time I met you. I know there were butterflies on my stomach. I might have the biggest smile I have. And luckily that place where we met was a bit dark on light, so you couldn't see how blush I am.
And I'm thinking of how you said about you, about me, and the past, present, and future. At that time I was thinking of you and I together in the future.
I'm thinking of how your smile made my day. That sweet happy smile, with a pink lip and cutest eyes, totally makes me want to just look at you for hours and smile.
Even in the worse case, when I mad at you, when I wanted to go back home although we just met like 5 minutes or so, you calmed me and made me laugh by USING your "baby-girl" with a cute voice. How could I be angry with that? So cute, I say.
I'm thinking of you never complaint even I complained a lot during rains and storms, hot and cold. And I'm thinking of how you can bring good things in my life. You change the way I view of money, future, expensive things, and spoiled stuffs.
And now I'm thinking of meeting you when you come back to the city. I'm thinking of spending the rest of my life with you. No question ask.
I'm thinking of... I LOVE YOU.
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